Scattered Aurora

Sometimes the hardest path isn't the right one...sometimes the toughest choice isn't the right one...

This is a tribute tag to all the women bloggers out there in the big wide world of blogosphere. The authorship of this poem is controversial; its either written by Maya Angelou or by Pamela Satran. I start this tag so that all us gurlz out there can read it, paste it on our blogs, think back and feel good about ourselves. Guys can also paste it onto ur blog if u really want to, no problemo... so here goes...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a youth she’s content to leave behind….

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .
a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to
retelling it in her old age….

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
one friend who always makes her laugh… and one who lets her cry…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a feeling of control over her destiny.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW
how to fall in love without losing herself.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW
how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without; ruining the friendship…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW
when to try harder… and WHEN TO WALK AWAY…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW
that she can’t change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW
that her childhood may not have been perfect…but its over…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW
what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW
how to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW
whom she can trust,
whom she can’t,
and why she shouldn’t take it personally…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW
where to go…
be it to her best friend’s kitchen table…
or a charming inn in the woods…
when her soul needs soothing…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW
what she can and can’t accomplish in a day…
a month…and a year…

I tag Mubi, A.joe, Lost in Rome, Lunatic, Seher dot com, M.h.a, Sami and duffer...

Even in our moments of greatest achievement, or greatest success, Nemesis lurks, waiting to remind us that we are only human and very vulnerable. Does that sound like I'm killing Hope or just issuing caution?

A smile can hide tears

A mask can hide pain

A blank face can hide an aching numbness

Hey the title actually sounds funny...
Anywho...
Have been tagged and nagged by mubi to do this post and actually have found time out from my busy schedule (ahem ahem) to oblige her. or maybe the topics interesting enough to make me visit my blog again...or maybe its just that i want to put up the pics i have of some of my fav places in Pakistan...
So here goes...

THE RULES:

The McCains own 13 cars, eight homes and have access to a corporate jet. If you were as insanely rich as them, where would your eight homes be and why?

The only rule is: The homes must be within the borders of the country you live in, so as to utterly emulate the McCains.

When you’re done, tag 8 people, so that they may join in the self-indulgence, forgetting about the crappy property market and the equivalent of The End of Pompeii on Wall-Street. You could spend your time hammering your doors and windows shut in preparation for the Apocalypse, but this meme is so much more fun!

1. Fairy Meadows... It has my dream house (just a lil bit shabby) but the location and the surroundings are stuff made of fantasies!!

2. Abbottabad... My second true home... I'd just love to have a house on top of a mountain like the ones they do have on the mountains around Abbottabad city

3. Kalash Valleys...obviously for the intriguing culture and plus they too have houses with rivers beside them opposites mountains...

4. Changla gali and Thandiani...either of the two would do and I'd make them my hidey-holes whenever i want to be lost in the clouds :D

5.Neelum Valley...I wanna own a hut sitting alone in a meadow full of flowers with the mountains making a natural wall...another one of my hidey-holes :D

6.Cholistan...a desert...yummy!! A home with the nomadic tribes that dwell there... it'd fulfill a life-long fantasy of walking under the stars on a clear night with the sand sifting through my feet or the one of getting caught in the midst of a sandstorm... or the one of riding to the rescue of someone caught in a sandstorm (and then beating the hell out of them for getting lost in it in the first place)

7.Hyderabad or Sukkur...their richness of culture lures my insatiably temptatious palate. enough said!

8. Deosai Plains with an occasional excursion to the killer mountain...just imagine walking out of your front door to that...oh and who would mind a trek up Nanga Parbat :)

9. Kohistan valley...My Nanoz massi(maid) comes from there and the stories of that valley I've heard from her make this a must add-on!

P.S. I tag kitten, bunny a.joe and sami :D

Broz scared of bugs.

No matter what size, shape or species, bro is terrified of them. It just has to be a bug and bro starts acting like a hapless, headless hen.

For all you people who don't know, my brother, though younger than me, can and does easily lift me in a choke-slam and pin me against the wall.

But my dear broz Achilles heel is his fear of creepy-crawlies. and its just not any simple normal fear.
Bro dearest will not sit in the room unless or until he has seen the squashed bug for himself and if he doesn't then on goes the headless hen act again...hehe.

And unluckily for him i know about it. And he knows that i know about it but still can't do anything about it either. Simply coz I'm his knight in shining armour and his supreme saviour when it comes to bugz. You see he can't even kill the, in his words, "poor bugz".

One of my better (read gleeful) memories is of Bro jumping on the bed and screaming like a banshee while a poor little muddled roach kept circling the bed trying to escape from the awful noise.
At that fateful moment I can get Bro to agree to anything although its doubtful if he'll do it later or not. But after a lot of experimenting, i've come to the conclusion that its the perfect time to get hold of his cell phone :D

This knowledge, though, has it side-effects as well :(.
See I can crow over him about him being scared of small roaches and teeny bugz and all but then he doesn't think anything of waking me up in the middle of the night to kill a bug so he can sleep, or dragging me downstairs so that I can get him a fork from the little bugz kitchen domain.

Still it has more than its share of fun and who cares about getting up in the middle of the nite if i can get to watch my macho bro reverting back to childhood :D

P.S. I think i should tell him that there was a baby roach strolling on the chicken that he is devouring right now...but then again he didn't really get me a chocolate last nite so... :D
*MUahahahahahahahaha*
Evil n lovin' it

Its the perfect day for ditching home-made food and going for one of the shehri cuisines of lahore...the day is cool, the weathers gorgeous, its raining, winters finally here, the exam went bad and im in desperate need of some sympathy food!! And I haven't had Nihari for like 4 months now (wow!! i feel like a monk!) So a day full of perfect excuses gets me a perfect plate of mouth-wateringly delicious Nihari and roghni naan! Yummmyyy!
And because I am me...I just had to tell everyone that i had just had nihari soo i grab my phone and start mass-messaging:
Me:I just had a yum yum plate of NIHARI :P
And here are the replies ive gotten soo far :D:
Umer: Lol... Nd i am not sleeping and nt eating!!

Zd: Me havin mc..!:-)

Hina: Lolz gud im nt that fond of it though so no jealousy :-) :-P

Anam: Gr8 ji...bt i dnt eat nihari jani!! :-)

Hira: Mausam dekho yar. Im hungry too :( and i watched a walk to remember last nite. And now i know y u cried =)

Yasir: :D....khao piyo...u seriously need to gain some weight :P.....waisay mausam kitna fit hae.

Mubi: Allah keray hazzam na ho :P

Hassaan:I'm having a yum slave of kari. yumy *i think he's soo busy eating he mispelled the word "plate" as "slave"*

I had a bizarre dream during my afternoon nap (at home) today. I dreamt about Harry Potter of all the things and his escape from the evil forces.
First of all this dream will only make a slight sense to my friends. So guys I'm not gonna go into the details (which were quite a few) and just stick to the basic outline of the dream. It went something like this.
Harry Potter's trying to escape from Umbridge who turns out to be Saddy and Hermione and Ron respectively turn out to be Mubi and Ami and instead of rescuing him keep pushing him into troublesome situations (sounds somewhat familiar?!).
And just for the record, even though its my dream i do not figure in it in anyway, not even as Harry.:(
Btw Saddy is a very irritating and annoying majors teacher whom we have had the misfortune to get stuck with and in the dream Harry is actually trying to escape from her cloying voice (the ultimate evil torture).

Its the third day of Eid and I'm at my phupos place for dinner and getting real bored. Just got the opportunity to escape my gaggle of relatives and sneak up to my cousin's room to use his pc. I love his keyboard...the keys are sooo soft and its really a pleasure to type on it. Infact this post is gonna exist simply because I like to type on his keyboard and has no other reason. The rest of the info in this post is just for filling the space and to keep in typing.
Behind me my ever-vigilant cousin is trying to keep watch and monitor my net-surfing and I'm distracting him with talk about his girlfriend and the family saga revolving around his affair. I think he just got a call from her; not sure but he turned a bright red when i asked him about it so its definitely her on the other end. maybe i should just leave him alone or then again this is the ultimate opportunity for me to get some eidi out of him...so...wait...wait...wait...ohk done...deal finalised. After this call I'm gonna be one happy sister :D (make that a happy evil sister).
My sis is wearing my string of pearls and its giving me nightmares honestly the way she keeps winding them around her fingers. If she breaks them shes gonna be @$#%^^&@:!:$".
So anyways, its my cousins birthday today and i actually remembered to wish her at twelve last nite :D:D:D:D ok ok sis reminded me but i did wish her *angelic all's-well-that-ends-well luk*. Anyways the point is that I want to eat a birthday cake but there isn't one here...:(
Uh oh trouble time!! its synonymous for dinner time in my family and i think i know what the topics gonna be today *sigh*
wish me luck
and eid mubarak once again

Have you ever looked into a mirror and seen a stranger in your reflection instead?

Have you ever had the feeling that if you were to suddenly come upon your reflection you wouldn't recognize yourself?

Have you ever been guilty of passing by a mirror and not recognizing yourself in it?

First of all, Eid Mubarik to all my readers and wishing u all a very very very happy and joyful Eid with your loved ones.
Omg! I still can't believe its gonna be eid tomorrow! I'm soo excited!! Admittedly this was not my first reaction when I got the news that tmr was eid at 11 p.m! It was to my flaming, shaming embarrassment, a loud heartfelt thrice repeated "Shit" (make it SHIT)! I didn't want it to be Eid tomorrow! I wanted it to be on thursday. But as i can't do anything about the senile minds of three wise men in our Rout-e-Hilal committee, who apparently have the vision to see the moon when its not there and not see it when it actually is, so i just have to be happy with what I've got and thats Eid tomorrow. Actually the shock's wearing off now and I'm kinda getting the warm, happy, fluttery, buttery feeling in my tummy that I've always associated with Eid! It's building up even as I'm writing this!
Omg! It's Eid tmr!!! I finally get to wear my new clothes and matching bangles and hot stilletos and awesome pazebs and strut around the house dressed like a model, basking in the admiration in the eyes of my admirers (read parents and grandparents). I am soo not gonna be able to sleep a wink tonight!!:D Yay! its EID!!
Btw I'm still not thrugh with my complaining but that's gonna come later on soooo...
When I actually visualized this post in my mind I was gonna right all about the ronaq of Eid and Chandraat in Lahore but coz of the high alert in our family (my dad thinks that I'm on all the terrorist organizations hitlist *rolls eyes*) so we can't go on our regular jaunt with cousins to Liberty and other places on chand raat. :( As it goes I couldn't even enjoy Chand Raat in my own market which is not too far from liberty in the ronaq stakes. And here I am writing a post on Chand raat rather than being out enjoying it and all because of those dumb nitwits who can see the moon on their whim!
Anyhow, I just love chand raat! I love to window shop on Chand raat! I love to look at all those colourful and varied designs of chooriyan and jewellery even though i don't get the urge to buy them but i can just go on looking at them for hours simply! They just enchant me with their clinking musical sounds and their flashing colours and beautiful designs. These pics are the ones i took a few days back when in Liberty shopping.
In case you are wondering, these are my mehndi lagewe hands...and yes I'm typing out this post with the dry mehndi still clinging to my hands! Thanks to our ever alert maulvis I had to rush out to get my mehndi done at 12 at night. Still thats all the fun of chand raat; waking mom from a deep deep sleep, getting scolded for not doing it earlier (though how im supposed to know the the mindless decisions these leaders take beforehand escapes me) and so on and so forth. Anyways I love mehndi when its still clinging to my hands rather than the color it leaves even when its pretty dark! and i can just go on sniffing mehndi forever! it has a heavenly smell!
On a more serious note, while coming back home I just saw a little urchin maybe 8 or 9 years old, sleeping while sitting against a pillar, his arms and legs thrust out awkwardly and ragged clothing covering his thin physique. His head was actually unsupported and lolling around in the air! he made such a pathetic sight, i still can't stop my eyes from watering when i picture him. I felt really sorry for him and helpless too knowing i could do nothing for him and grateful to God for a family and a home where I know I am loved and wanted despite anything! I read somewhere that home is a place where they have to let you in even if they don't like you and right now I feel really really grateful to my family to not only giving me a home but actually wanting me in it as well! I hated to wake him up but I wanted him to have Eidi in a little style as well. We all crib about so many silly things all the time, but we don't really understand how lucky we are. and from time to time God has to show us what we really have and try to make us thankful for all that but we seldom feel the thanks for more than a few days at the most then its back to all the whining and cribbing and complaining. My friends are witnesses to my complaints during the last week or so about my tailor ruining my clothes and my dyer ruining my duppatta and the ensuing inevitable fights i had and all my bitter complaints and feeling sorry for myself and all. So this sign was long due from God to tell me what exactly i was doing. It took me a sight of a pathetic little boy who should be happy about Eidand should take Eidi as his due but instead had tears in his eyes when I gave him some. It made me realize just how selfish i really am and how self-obsessed i have become. I hope that this Eid a little of our Eidi will help give someone a smile...

I love Charlie Chaplin...simply adore him...his acts can give me fits even though they can be very silly...and i love watching him with my mother who earlier, with a very baffled look, asked me, "Yeh banda kya ker raha hai? Yeh paagal tou nahin hai?" Lol! Love you mom!
Just wanted to share this clip with you...Enjoy :)

I always take my rings off in class whenever i am bored and just play with them, making weird shapes or planting them strategically on top of one another just to ease my boredom. Today, though a certain shape took up a certain meaning or maybe my mind just put a different perspective on it. So out of my five rings i made a friends star. These five rings represent me and my four friends in college; Ami, Mubi, Zd, Hina & me. We are all quite different from each other and sometimes i think we r the weirdest group in the college but we still stick together. I'm not good at writing all this cheesy stuff but sometimes we all have to do things that we arnt good at so here goes.
Guys i know we fight like on the smallest of issues and blow it out of proportion and take it to a completely different level. I know that we say the harshest of things to each other and really hurt each other really really bad and I know at those times we even feel like why the hell are we still friends coz its the same thing that happens over and over again each time we fight. But yar i also know that we still make up and we still are together no matter what. We still have more memories of laughter and fun than of fights. We may be complete opposites but we still complement each other. And its only being together that we complete the star of our friendship.
So, all i wanna say to u guys is that lets just be together no matter what.
My messages to my friends:
Mubi:
We fight but we still make up and whatever we say when we r angry u know we don't mean it!
Ami:
Ohk ohk i'm a drama queen! happy now ? :D
Zd:
Ur a lota!
Hina:
Miss u man!



oh and btw guys hanging up is not an option. We dun never ever ever hang up on friends , it just makes matters worse!

P.S. this is my allergy writing not me :D

Its a quarter to two and I'm still sitting in front of the pc, making a damned inventory of drugs which i bet aren't even actually there. And I've no idea why i'm blogging even. maybe I'm taking a break from all those F.I.Rz and serial numbers and Heroin and Charas samples and those broken watches and god knows what! ohk what shall i write about...hmmm...
Great now i don't even have anything to write about! How stupid is that! I want to blog now and i dun have anything to blog about! ughhh!!! I'm asking my other "Daddy" but hez just telling me to go to sleep coz its past my bedtime :( Now hes telling me not to be stubborn! That does it! this post is dedicated to my other "Daddy" who breaks his promises and doesn't even tell me any bedtime stories now! and he doesn't even bring anything for me from his trips :( and he isn't even talking to me anymore :D Mission Accomplished!!YaY! I'm evil again!!
I dun think i can get anymore lamer than this!! why am i even blogging this i don't know. i know i shud delete this but i somehow cant oh man am really desperate for some sleep now!!

Characters: Ami, Mubi, Rukh...
Setting: Strolling to our next class, my friends finally privileged me with their observations on what i was wearing...
(FYI: It's a very cute pair of pants with coloured butterflies and sequences on the legs which i teamed with a white and pink kameez and a tye n dyed duppatta...)

Ami:"What are you wearing?"
Mubi:"Yeh Mahnoor ki hai na??!!" (She passed the same comments on my rings earlier as well..:S)
Rukh:"Ji nai...Yeh meri hain!"
Ami:"Why are u wearing these??"
Mubi:"Nightsuit lag raha hai"
Ami:"It looks as if rukh cudn't find a white shalwar and she made do with this!"
Mubi::*with a really disgusted look*
Rukh:" They are cute and they don't look bad!"
Ami:*rolls eyes* "Let's go"
Mubi:"They are not!"
Ami:"They are gay pyjamaz!!"
Rukh:"Tou mai ky keron?"
Mubi:"Take them offf!!!"
Ami:"Mubi ur such a lesbian!"
rukh looking abashed follows silently...Ami starts off on her mubi-is-a-lesbian stream...
Ami:"Stay away from me lesbo!!"
Mubi:"YAY! I am a lesbian!"
Rukh:"Wats with the gay and lesbian stuff guys?!"
Ami:"She told you to take your pants off!!! ewww...how lesbo is that?!!"
Rukh:*lol* "Why are u both into homosexuality that much??!!"
AMI:*lol*
Mubi:"ewwwwwwwwwwww!!! I am not a homosexual!!!"
Rukh:"ur a lesbian but not a homo??!! how can u be a lesbian and not a homo??"
Ami:"Shes a self-proclaimed lesbian just like shes a self-proclaimed loser!"
Mubi:"u guys have a sick mind!"
Ami:"and who was talking abt taking rukh's gay pants off?!" ;p
Rukh:"They are not!! they are cutee!"
Mubi :"I am a lesbian but i havent really quite come out of the closet yet"
Ami:"you only come out of the closet when ur dad catches u!...you are out of the closet that is why u r a lesbian"
Later
Mubi:"Rukh u moonwalk!"
Ami: *gives a demo*
Rukh:"I don't...i walk fine!!"
Mubi:"that girl walks weird"
Ami:"why do u check out girls??"
Rukh:"Stop checking out girls!"
Mubi:"I check out straight guys as well"
Ami:"the last guy u checked out was rafa nadal n he is already gay!!"
Rukh:*lmao*
Mubi:"ohk lemme think...the last time i checked out a guy was....!!" *gives us a strange look* "the last time it was also girls!!! SHITT!! Ok thats it u two dont come to my blog anymore!!"

and I've thankfully forgotten what the rest of the convo was!! :(

As everyone's been putting up pics of clouds my gallery wanted an exhibition as well...so here are some of my fav pics on the theme of cloud fever thats getting contagious on the blog zone... the first three dedicated to Mubi (see the "M") Happy viewing :D

"ONE of the objections raised against the Islamic Law of divorce or Talaq is that in empowering man to divorce, Islam has been harsh and unjust to the woman. While pondering over the issue, three alternative answers come to the query: who should be given the right to divorce? The first option is that both should have this right. The second is that the husband should be so empowered. And the third option could be that the wife should have this right.

In the first instance, if both have the right to divorce, the multiplicity of divorces shall make family life uncertain and insecure. In the case of both exercising this right there will obviously be a much larger number of "casualties" than with only one armed with this weapon to sever relations.

The second option is that adopted by Islam, which has vested this power in man for the reason that he enjoys a little more dignified position in the family. He is the supervisor of the family, maintainer of the wife and with that bears the heavy burden of children's upkeep, education and upbringing.

Therefore, it is he who should decide whether it is possible to bear the burden of these responsibilities in collaboration with the wife or not? In the Qur'anic terminology "in his hands has been placed the power to tie the marriage knot (contract) or untie it." It would be harsh and unjust to compel him to go on maintaining a woman as the queen of the mini-realm, home, whom he does not like or whose cooperation has been denied to him.

Taking the third option in which the wife will have the right to divorce, it is apparent that in this event the abuse of the right cannot be eliminated. In according the right to the wife, there are some evils associated with it also:

· It would be grave injustice to man to make him bear all the responsibilities toward the woman (dower, gifts, maintenance and the like) and to grant the right to divorce to the woman.

· Divorce is damaging to man entirely, whereas the woman remains immune from any harm. If the right is granted to her, a morally irresponsible wife, whenever she chooses, she shall divorce the husband, and handing over children to him, she will take leave of him with the "booty" of her dower and jewelery and gifts in full triumph, and at the first chance coming her way, she will marry another man getting fresh dower and other privileges.

· It is an obvious fact that woman is much more sentimental than man and can at any time, under the impulse of the moment, sever relations with man. That will go a long way in increasing the rate of divorce under the normal conditions, thus confronting the society with a new crisis.

The way Islam shapes the mind and temperament of man and educates and trains him, divorce can hardly find room in his life and the lurking fear that merely for sexual enjoyment and gratification of abnormal lust he will go on divorcing women most carelessly is only a remote possibility.

– The author of this piece is currently President of India's Jamaat-e-Islami, and is an eminent theologian and scholar of Islamic jurisprudence."

This is the content of a forward mail which i recently received and i decided to share it with you. I agree with most of what it says, even with the second option that a man should have the right to divorce, which being a woman might be slightly disappointing in me for the other much "liberated"version of my species. The point which actually provoked my reaction was when the author is giving his slightly biased opinions as valid reasons as to why men should have the right. Out of all the opinions, he shares with us about the evils associated with handing over the right to divorce to women, the only legitimate one is the last one, where he states that women being the more emotional of the two would base her judgments on sentimentality rather than rationality. The earlier two reasons, I have to say, show a narrow-minded being behind a facade of empowering knowledge and education.
I'll first talk about the second point which i believe is wrong in both theory and application. He says that "Divorce is damaging to man entirely, whereas the woman remains immune from any harm. If the right is granted to her, a morally irresponsible wife, whenever she chooses, she shall divorce the husband, and handing over children to him, she will take leave of him with the "booty" of her dower and jewelery and gifts in full triumph, and at the first chance coming her way, she will marry another man getting fresh dower and other privileges." The very first statement shows how prejudiced he is against women. In his third opinion he states that it is an obvious fact that women are more sentimental than men. This being so, I wonder how he came upon his theory of divorce being "entirely damaging to a man whereas the women remains immune from harm".Then he goes on to paint a coal-black picture of the actions of a woman nicknaming her "a morally irresponsible wife" who shall divorce the husband, take her dowry, dump the children with him and marry another man for fresher privileges. I should like to ask him what are his biased views on the better-half of our species "the morally responsible wife". I would also like to point out that Allah has given women the right to ask for a divorce known as khula, in which case, the woman returns her mehr and asks for a divorce on the basis of valid reasons. In other words, a wife buys the right of khula by returning the mehr.
My arguments on his first opinion which states that "It would be grave injustice to man to make him bear all the responsibilities toward the woman (dower, gifts, maintenance and the like) and to grant the right to divorce to the woman", will be based on a social viewpoint. Considering that the author comes from a country where the tradition of dowry is even worse than here in Pakistan, it is hypocritical for him to state that it would be a "grave injustice" to a man when he doesn't even give a dowry to a woman in our society. It is the woman and her parents who have to go through the torture of greedy in-laws demanding a hefty dowry in return for the woman to live with her husband while the husband gets away with paying a measly mehr.
By giving all these arguments I'm not saying that it is wrong for a man to have the right to divorce because it is clearly not the case. Allah, although has given men the right to have the final word, but has also given women the right to seperate and ask for a divorce. The conditions placed on either are the same: there has to be a valid and rightful reason before any one of the two seeks independence from the other.

The multitude of stones glittered like rich jewels, their colors sparkled a rainbow hue, half-buried in the sand, their lights flashing as the setting sun threw its last rays on them. Dragging her feet, leaving behind them the marks of her presence she walked on, undeterred by the coming tide. Soon the waves licked her feet and the stones revealed their complete beauty, peeking from between the froth of the blue waters and glittering with the light the sun bestowed upon them and the wetness of the caressing water. Still she walked on, and into the sea she started her journey. The stones lost their glitter beneath the sapphire blue color of the water and disappeared beneath the onset of the rushing waves. Still she moved on, slipping and sliding yet with a grace that made her look like a sea-nymph or a mermaid going back into the depths of the deep blue sea, with the water welcoming her as a long lost lover, caressing her skin, splashing her with its love. Suddenly, the land fell away from beneath her and the sea transformed from a lover into a vengeful being, enveloping her into a suffocating embrace, pulling her deeper and deeper, away from all that she left it for; as if punishing her. Still she did not struggle nor pull out of the embrace but quietly accepted her due. Slowly she sank beneath the anger and into the calmness in the depth of the sea. As she went down she saw a harsh glitter of light and looked down on her feet. A ray of light had penetrated the depths of that morose blackness and found the stones again. It was the last thing she saw as she closed her eyes and sank to the ocean floor, and the stones kept on glittering harshly, their beauty embedded in the sands of the ocean for all time to come.

This post was written during my 3-days long internship and was the product of immense boredom coupled with a vengeful flight of imagination. It was inspired by my flashy slippers with brightly coloured red and pink stones (my feet were looking especially nice that day under the table :D).

listening to "kahin tou" and completely bedazzled by the lyrics and the music of this beautiful song, losing myself in the magic of this soulful number. I'm thinking of sitting in a scenic place where nature calms the tortured soul and the wind blows the worries away and the trees and sky weave a magical moment of their very own. a bouquet of bubbles float across my vision and i look up to see my sister blowing bubbles at me. A bevy of multicoloured bubbles shimmering in the lamplight swirl around me and evoke the very essence of romance in the air. i reach out a hand to touch one of the rainbow-coloured baubles, lost in the fantastical moment, to see if the beauty of this magical moment is captured within its transparent bounds or is it just another chimera. it lands softly on my fingertips. i bring it closer and look inside to see a dream swirling within. a dream full of wishes and fantasies and other magical moments. afraid to burst the bubble i let it go. and it floats away from me as if destined to go on a certain path. i look away unable to see it burst and all those hopes insides shatter with it. i carry with myself just a memory of all those hopes inside the bubble forming an impossible dream. For me the bubble is still floating inside me. my very own little light i can carry with me in the dark.

It's funny how the human mind works. Last evening, I got home, completely convinced that I'm gonna work it out this week only and then leave this stupid hell-hole I've landed myself into. I even slept on these thoughts at 6 a.m. But just a few hours later I woke up in such an optimistic frame of mind that while brushing my teeth I actually considered staying for the whole length of the four week time period and completing this internship. This mood lasted only till I entered my "cabin" (for want of a better word) and saw my poor computer in a yet more mangled condition, with all the wires ripped out of their sockets and the floor a literal wire mesh. I carefully picked my way across like a graceful ballet dancer propelling forward on my toes and stumbling a "few" times in the process (I'm out of practice you see). I placed my huge bag and the measly couple of magazines on the table top and proceeded to glare at the sarak-chap and the button-hole, until they finally decided they had had enough of playing around with the wires and putting their fingers in the power-sockets and the realization dawned on them that they were no electrical engineers and no IT guys just plain old graphic designers (honestly it was really funny, i could almost see the bulbs light up above their heads). After putting my computer back to its mangled position, they sweetly asked me if I would allow them to check their mail. I've never wanted to refuse anyone so badly as I did today but considering that I had to last a week, I took the diplomatic way out: I just turned around and walked out. From the infamous "glass window" I saw them checking something alright: "their orkut" friend's lists!! After like half an hour they were finally done and almost respectfully (and no I'm not being sarcastic...this time) offered me my computer back (as if I would refuse such an offering).
You know one thing I've noticed that all four of them look at me very respectfully! Seriously! And I've figured out the reason as well. Its because i) I've nothing to do with their graphic designing and they've nothing to do with the magazine so they can't show me down or treat me like an internee (:D :D) and ii) I'm the only magazine personnel in this office apart from the boss (and no they don't have another office for the magazine people...they just don't have any magazine people...Period!).
Apart from that I learned a new piece of information about the Gay Lord which he let out quite nonchalantly a few times (make that around ten) since morning. His Highness used to be in theater and knows quite a few people (apparently) whose names he's been flinging around since morning, left, right and centre (and guess what...he knows Omair Rana...OMG!!! *roll eyes* like thats something new!!). *sigh* The modesty of some people.
Ohk i think that's enough cattiness coming from me this morning and I'm really out of anecdotes to narrate apart from the occasional whine coming from the otherside of the glass window: "yaar sardi lag rahi hai!" Honestly how you can feel cold when the lights are out and the split is not working is simply beyond me!! I'm literally melting here!
Boss man is still not here and I've to await his further orders before i start with my first assignment even! Man, I'm never gonna underestimate the alluring power of exaggeration and the art of impressing someone ever again!!

I adore my computer.
I simply revere it, worship it, admire it, exalt it, pay homage to it, honor it, idolize it, respect it, even if it is a pain in the neck sometimes but at least, at the very very very least, it has an internet access!!! I'd kiss my computer all over right now if it wasn't so dusty but a pat on the top will do.
With all my love, my dear computer, may you have a long time with me!!

My first day at the internship can be summed up in one word: DISASTER! a complete utterly profound disaster that has its roots in boredom. And believe me when i say this because I'm risking my limbs posting this to you. Yes, I'm sitting on a revolving chair whose one wheel has revolved into the timelessness of space that is complete nothingness. In simpler words I'm sitting on a broken chair which leans drunkenly if I move even slightly, endangering my svelte limbs, on the only computer which offers the incredible luxury of internet in the entire room, probably one of the few in the entire office! Yes, I've already discovered that I've stepped into some time-warped space, where the present and the past have been horrendously mixed and with not a very good result. And before you stop pitying me, let me tell you that I made this shocking piece of discovery after going round half the office asking for a computer which has an access to internet.
You know it's actually pretty ironic when i look around myself. I am sitting on an obsolete system which is even older than my own computer back home and a monitor thats sure to put those owl-rimmed spectacles on my adorable "little" nose. The irony comes in when i look at the other LCD screens and flat-screen monitors in the entire room, gracing every table top and all those hi-fi computer systems with every humanly conceivable software and hardware adorned alongside them. But all those updated and hi-fi systems lack just one small thing: INTERNET. Can you even imagine an advertising office being without internet. Ok Ok let's ot exagerrate, there is one small out-dated computer in a dusty old corner with the honor of having an access to the life of the current generation. So what if its just the ONE in a room filled with seven super computers and two laptops; atleast there is the one (huh!!). And atleast they have a UPS, which is the only saving grace of the place as it ensures that the computers do not turn off.
Much as i hate to do this, but moving on from the inanimate things to the animate ones, all i can say is I've never been so "entertained" on my first day at the office. Till now I've met four of the characters who have really done their bit in putting me off this place. I'll start with the girl first, giving preference to my own kind over the other one. A strait-laced, bossy, she-thinks-she knows-it-all type with a huge complex of being the youngest sibling in her family and having had to follow her elder siblings "authority". She started off early morning with giving me a lecture on how I should have gone back to my previous internship and how i should be sure about which field i want to be in and not just keep on experimenting. She then proceeded to tell me how many different people she's told the same thing to (like i really care).
Then enter the next character in this entire charade: a gay guy. He takes pleasure in relating his last night escapades which constitutes of him going to his cousin's place where she indulges him with facials and other skin "therapies". He swadles into the room wearing a skin-tight shirt and jeans and lights a cigarette. To me he addresses a few remarks, the notable one being "I didn't know KC offered Mass Communication" in such an accusatory tone that I immediately wanted to pacify his Honorary lordship with a few choicy words which would have straightened up his confused gender.
The next guy is a quiet, mousy, nerdy type, all buttoned-up and proper minus the spectacles.I don't have anything much to say about him as he doesnt talk much when I'm around.
The last of the characters is the most pathetic. A typical Lahori sarak-chap, he thinks he is the deputy God around this place. Although an internee himself, so far he has been giving me those cheap looks which makes me want to slap him silly and asked me so many questions (through a glasswall) about KC which makes me think he wants to get enrolled there. *sigh* I must have alot more patience than i already give myself credit for.
Anyways thats about it till now. Oh and did i mention the men's bathroom thats right behind my chair and that its door doesnt close no matter how many times you try to shut it. And I thought it really couldn't get any worse!
Yups, there it opens again! *sigh*

I've added a music player to my blog and a few songs for the time being which i hope u will enjoy till i upload another playlist...

The first song "Mausam hai aashiqana" is from the film Pakeezah, picturised on Meena Kumari and is sung by the great Lata ji. An all-time favourite of my mom, this song reminds me of travelling on the GT road on our way to Abbotabad while mom sung this song to us. It always made me feel as if I was part of the film. I used to watch the fields passing us by and imagine myself singing and dancing among them in true filmi style. :D

The second song "Mera Kuch Samaan" from the film Ijaazat, vocalised by Asha Bhosle with lyrics by Gulzar and Music by R D Burman is a true heart-wrenching song. A favourite of my cousin, it brings back memories of my Alevels when early in the morning, she used to play this song. Every morning started with this song followed by Atif Aslam's crooning. A beautiful song i enjoyed from the depths of my soul especially on a rainy morning, driving along the main boulevard to Sicas.

The third song "Lag Ja Gale" is a rendition by Lata Ji again from the movie Woh Kaun Thi with music by Madan Mohan. Intended to be a parting song, but to me it always appealed as a very romantic number rather than a sad one. I remember trying to picturise the song in my mind during the late nights i stayed up thinking about nothing in particular. A beautiful number which seduces the listener with its hope-filled lyrics.

The fourth song "Naam Gum Jayega" from the movie Kinara sung by Lata Ji and Bhupendra, with Gulzar on the lyrics and R D Burman on the music. I heard this song the first time on television a couple of years back and i remember thinking about losing my own identity. Its a soul searching number which scratches away all the superficial dirt one has on them and exposes us to our very being.

The fifth song "Choti si kahani" is again from the movie Ijazat and sung by Asha Bhosle with music by R D Burman. A very upbeat song which really captures your imagination with pictures of a valley covered in trees and drenched with rain, while you sit under a wooden shed with water dripping all around you and the raindrops entertaining you with their own music. Oh and not to forget a plate of hot pakoras and garma garam chai.

The last song "Ek larki bheegi bhaagi si" is one of Kishore Kumars very famous numbers from the film Chalti Ka Naam Gaadi and is picturised on Madhubala and Kishore Kumar himself, with music by S D Burman. This song is responsible for my craze of a white sari and driving on wet rainy nights. I first heard this song when i got hold of my Dad's collection of cassetes and listening to this song all the time!!

The clock struck the hour and the dreaded load-shedding struck our cool heaven. I dragged myself off to my own room still half-asleep and sprawled on the middle of the bed in front of the window to make the most of whatever little breeze might be gracing the skies today. Still in the realms of dreamland, I went back in time to last summer as the breeze filtered through the window and caressed my over-heated skin.

Once again I was lying on a charpai in my nano'z porch, on a sunny summers day in Abbotabad. It was the middle of the afternoon and both nana and nano were indulging in their daily siesta. Bored of twiddling my thumbs and with nothing to do except for gorging my self on mangoes and peaches, I pasted a note on the door, enveloped myself in a chaddar and took myself off for a walk in the surrounding fields of the banda. Half an hour later, I made my way back thirsting for a cool glass of water. Not so much fun as walking in the early evenings, I discovered. I was sitting on the baramda when I spied the charpai peeking out at me from behind the washing machine. I dragged it out, got myself a pillow and a fat, new paperback I'd been meaning to read for a long time but its size intimidated me. I adjusted my self on the ropey charpai and opened the first page. A summer breeze, warm yet not hot and not cold either, just perfect for the day swept over my body cooling it. A few lines of progress and a bird chirping on the tree in front of me caught my interest. Five minutes later and I tried to drag my attention back to the book, but in the end gave up and tried to enact a movie-star pose. You know the one where they place the book on their chest and go to sleep; mine kept on falling and finally after several uncomfortable tries I put it aside and gave my full attention to nature. There were a couple of young Afghani kids trying to fly kites on a nearby roof and after watching them for several unsuccessful minutes, I started shouting some advice which easily led to some good-natured bantering between us. A few minutes later both of them vanished and I was alone with nature all around me again. I noticed the breeze then, that it wasn't continuous, yet I never felt too hot before it blew its cooling fingers over me again; and I somehow knew that I would always associate that sort of breeze with that day. It was nothing special but yet it was special in its own simplistic way. A common day in Abbotabad but I knew how much, in those long hours in the charpai with the wind breezing over me, I unwinded and got a fresh perspective on my life.

A knocking on a door disturbed my calm dreams of a long gone time and a far-away place. I opened my eyes and opened them a bit wider when I saw I was not out in the open, as I had imagined, but enclosed in a closed room; and wider still when the door opened and mom walked in. Then my common sense caught up with me and reacquainted me with my still being in Lahore and in my own room, even as a breeze blew over me from the window again. Standing by the window later, I realized ke aj Lahore wich Hazare wala mausam ae.

The other night I was talking to a friend and we just happened to stumble upon this hypothetical topic which erupted into a major debate and lasted for around 2 hrs. By the end of it there was no clear winner as we both completely refused to give even an inch to each other and by mutual admission wanted to bang each other's head on the wall. All in all a pretty frustrating debate but I really enjoyed it a lot especially because we were having it at 1 at night... So to give you a taste of it, I've decided to blog it...or as much of it as I can remember...So sit back, relax, take a deep breath, and enjoy..!

It all started with my views on sex and marriage (which I won't go into now) and the big question in my mind that if sex was supposed to be such a holy act of marriage why couldn't have God created an order in which humans would have just had to have intercourse once to have one child and twice for two kids and so on, rather than indulging in it whenever their body's desires require them to?

Actually this was the main question which triggered a chain reaction in my mind creating a hypothetical history with a lot of "what ifs". And my argument was completely based on the "free will" that God has attributed to us humans and is what distinguishes us among all of his creations and which we humans treasure and misuse more than anything.

I think we'll all agree that this "free will" was also exercised by our ancestors, and that some of their choices back then have created, what we know them today as, our pre-determined beliefs. These beliefs are what we have grown up with, what our parents and their parents have grown up with, what no one even imagines the thought of questioning them; so much so that they have become embedded in our DNA and are an intrinsic part of being human. What if our ancestors also faced a choice between "sexual desires" and "sexual needs" and the choice that they made became another of our pre-determined beliefs and overtime evolved its way into human psyche in such a way that now its considered normal?

Before I move further into the depths of my theory, it think to avoid confusion I should explain what I mean from the terms "sexual need" and "sexual desires".

Sexual need represents only the need to reproduce offspring and to ensure a survival of genes. It is more common in animals who mate once a year to ensure production of offspring. Sexual desire, on the other hand, is having sex not only for reproduction but also for enjoyment and pleasure.

Here, I am not talking about celibacy or restraint but about our body's sexual urges which are felt irrespective of our control over it. This choice has slowly but firmly evolved in such a way that it has come to be known as a physical need, apart pf our body. A desire which has to fought consciously if one wishes to.

So what if our ancestors were given the choice to choose between only having sex the number of times corresponding to the number of children one wants and to reproduce children as well as satisfying lusty urges whenever one wants. Its like asking someone to choose between mineral water and plain tap water. Tap water quenches your thirst only but mineral water also provides a few essential minerals along with quenching your thirst. What if our ancestors had to exercise their "free will" over this matter and their choice of sexual desires was what our beliefs are based on.

Today, sexual desire is considered to be man's primal instinct. It is the foremost priority on every human's mind, be it man or women, consciously or unconsciously. Everything we do today in this world is aimed towards gaining sexual satisfaction in the end. Every man and woman, works not only to fill their tummy but to afford the luxuries of life which makes them more attractive to the opposite sex and thus, results in mutual pleasure.

But what if sexual desire wasn't the primal instinct of man? Reproducing for the sake of off-springs was the basic primal instinct and later man discovered the pleasure an decided to choose the pleasure and reproduction rather than just the reproducing. What if this desire was a choice man had to make. God has said that He has put both goodness and evil in us and has left it on us to choose which of these we want to manifest itself on our souls. He has also put needs and desires in us but maybe it has been our ancestors choice to bring those desires to life rather than letting them stay dormant. Just like He gave us the knowledge to tell lies or hurt people but also left it upon us to choose between right and wrong. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with basic sexual desire, just that maybe it didn't start out this way. Maybe its just another one of those pre-determined beliefs that has its roots in our ancestors choices. Today our beliefs determine our choices but what if back then this choice was what determined our belief!

If this is so, then maybe the Holy institution of marriage is a method devised by God to control this choice of humans. In Islam, the main reason for the institution of marriage is adultery. Basically adultery is an assuagement of sexual desires with different partners anytime. Maybe God clearly saw the pitfalls of this choice-based-belief and introduced marriage and its laws to counteract or control it by limiting it to married partners.

If we think about it, it all fits together in a perfect pattern. God gave man knowledge; man discovers both sexual need and sexual desire and when confronted with a choice, chooses sexual desire; man's choice becomes a belief which through time and generations evolves and becomes an intrinsic part of our genetic makeup; God seeing the ensuing pitfalls, introduces the concept of marriage so that people may control their desires and do not let it run rampage.

The basic question in my mind still is that what if our ancestors did make a decision; a choice which governs our past, present, and future for all time to come! The choice to decide between sexual desire and sexual need has been taken out of our hands and has been already decided upon but what if...?

The night has a thousand eyes,
     And the day but one;
Yet the light of the bright world dies
     With the dying sun.

The mind has a thousand eyes,
     And the heart but one:
Yet the light of a whole life dies
      When love is done.

	-- Francis William Bourdillon

Fairytales don't tell children that dragons exist.
Children already know that dragons exist;
Fairytales tell children that dragons can be killed.

I haven't written anything on any of my blogs for so long (make that a few days) that now I feel as hesitant as I would feel stepping into an office for an interview or going into my dads room to ask his permission for something I know I really don't want. And I really have no idea as usual what I'm writing about. Maybe I'm just writing for writing's sake. But even if that's the case why do I still want to write. I mean I can just take a break can't I? Its not like anyone is paying me to write something every day here. Then why do I have to feel this stupid sense of responsibility towards my blog when I don't even have a damn readership. Why do I start feeling so bad about not writing something, anything at all. No make that something worthwhile. If I write anything at all in my blog I feel really ashamed as if I somehow haven't really come up to everyone's expectations. I mean it has to be really really perfect and really literary or philosophical or some jargonic bull, with lots of flowery confusing phrases and with at least half the dictionary put in. Why can't I just put all my feelings and thoughts in simpler words instead of releasing them in a torrent of creative outlets that sometimes no one can even understand. Why do I have to make everyone get lost in a jungle of words and expressions? What do I have to prove? That I know the language and I can speak and write it quite nicely? Who do I have to prove it to anyways? To my friends, who already fantasizingly associate more with my language skills than the reality; or to my parents and relatives, for whom the knowledge that they put me in a 'good English-medium' school is sufficient and now they really don't care if I wrote a book on how to use the English language. If not to these most important people in my life, then to whom? To the strangers whom I don't even know and who don't even know me. The people of this world, who are unknown to me and whose existence is questionable in my eyes (forgive me I've been reading Heidegger). Who may live or die for all I care, and I wouldn't even know the story of their life or they the story of mine. What is it then that is forcing me towards writing these pieces in a way which I clearly despise. I don't know. And I'm scared to search for the answers even. I just say I don't know and I don't even want to know. But I do, no matter how much I deny it, I really do, but as I said above I'm just too scared of finding the answers. Now this is the strangest part of all. I know what I am and basically I can even sense what is wrong with me and there are a few things that are very wrong which I regard as the flaws of my being (talk to my mom; that's the understatement of the year). Even if I don't know what is the main reason why I do what I hate but I know basically in which flaw of my being this comes under (you see there are different headings). The strange thing is that even if I am peripherally aware of what is wrong then why the hell am I scared to go in deeper to look for answers. I am not saying that suspecting the reason should force me to look for the answer but just that there should be a different emotional excuse for my deliberate circumvention of the issue. I should be uninterested, happy with the way things are, or even sad but I shouldn't be scared. Maybe I'm scared because i fear that the true answer might somehow make me hate my flawed being even more. sigh. Sometimes the reasons behind our stupid arguments can be even more stupid than the arguments themselves. Man should really be proud of the level of stupidity he can achieve single-handedly. And I should really stop taking philosophy so much! Its making me go crazy!!!

P.S. It's funny how we all start our blog post with I-have-no-idea-what-to-write-about sometime or the other and usually that post ends up to be one of the longest ones in our archives. Man and his eccentricities. Tchh Tchh... *shakes head* ;p

An atheist professor of philosophy speaks to his class on the problem science has with God, The Almighty. He asks one of his new students to stand and...

Prof: So you believe in God?

Student: Absolutely, sir.

Prof: Is God good?

Student: Sure.

Prof: Is God all-powerful?

Student: Yes.

Prof: My brother died of cancer even though he prayed to God to heal him. Most of us would attempt to help others who are ill. But God didn't. How is this God good then? Hmm?

(Student is silent.)

Prof: You can't answer, can you? Let's start again, young fella. Is God good?

Student: Yes.

Prof: Is Satan good?

Student : No.

Prof: Where does Satan come from?

Student:From...God...

Prof: That's right. Tell me son, is there evil in this world?

Student:Yes.

Prof: Evil is everywhere, isn't it? And God did make everything. Correct?

Student: Yes.

Prof: So who created evil? (Student does not answer.)

Prof: Is there sickness? Immorality? Hatred? Ugliness? All these terrible things exist in the world, don't they?

Student: Yes, sir.

Prof: So, who created them?

(Student has no answer.)

Prof: Science says you have 5 senses you use to identify and observe the world around you. Tell me, son...Have you ever seen God?

Student: No, sir.

Prof: Tell us if you have ever heard your God?

Student:No, sir.

Prof: Have you ever felt your God, tasted your God, smelt your God? Have you ever had any sensory perception of God for that matter?

Student: No, sir. I'm afraid I haven't.

Prof: Yet you still believe in Him?

Student:Yes.

Prof: According to empirical, testable, demonstrable protocol, science says your GOD doesn't exist. What do you say to that, son?

Student:Nothing. I only have my faith.

Prof: Yes. Faith. And that is the problem science has.

Student: Professor, is there such a thing as heat?

Prof: Yes.

Student: And is there such a thing as cold?

Prof: Yes.

Student: No sir. There isn't.

(The lecture theatre becomes very quiet with this turn of events.)

Student : Sir, you can have lots of heat, even more heat, superheat, mega heat, white heat, a little heat or no heat. But we don't have anything called cold. We can hit 458 degrees below zero which is no heat, but we can't go any further after that. There is no such thing as cold . Cold is only a word we use to describe the absence of heat We cannot measure cold. Heat is energy . Cold is not the opposite of heat, sir, just the absence of it .

(There is pin-drop silence in the lecture theatre.)

Student: What about darkness, Professor? Is there such a thing as darkness?

Prof: Yes. What is night if there isn't darkness?

Student :You're wrong again, sir. Darkness is the absence of something. You can have low light, normal light, bright light, flashing light....But if you have no light constantly, you have nothing and it's called darkness, isn't it? In reality, darkness isn't. If it were you would be able to make darkness darker, wouldn't you?

Prof: So what is the point you are making, young man?

Student:Sir, my point is your philosophical premise is flawed.

Prof: Flawed? Can you explain how?

Student: Sir, you are working on the premise of duality. You argue there is life and then there is death, a good God and a bad God. You are viewing the concept of God as something finite, something we can measure. Sir, science can't even explain a thought. It uses electricity and magnetism, but has never seen, much less fully understood either one.To view death as the opposite of life is to be ignorant of the fact that death cannot exist as a substantive thing. Death is not the opposite of life: just the absence of it. Now tell me, Professor.Do you teach your students that they evolved from a monkey?

Prof: If you are referring to the natural evolutionary process, yes, of course, I do.

Student: Have you ever observed evolution with your own eyes, sir?

(The Professor shakes his head with a smile, beginning to realize where the argument is going.)

Student: Since no one has ever observed the process of evolution at work and cannot even prove that this process is an on-going endeavor, are you not teaching your opinion, sir? Are you not a scientist but a preacher?

(The class is in uproar.)

Student: Is there anyone in the class who has ever seen the Professor's brain?

(The class breaks out into laughter.)

Student : Is there anyone here who has ever heard the Professor's brain, felt it, touched or smelt it? No one appears to have done so. So, according to the established rules of empirical, stable, demonstrable protocol, science says that you have no brain,sir. With all due respect, sir, how do we then trust your lectures, sir?

(The room is silent. The professor stares at the student, his face unfathomable.)

Prof: I guess you'll have to take them on faith, son.

Student: That is it sir... The link between man & god is FAITH . That is all that keeps things moving & alive.