Scattered Aurora

Sitting in front of the monitor, scared shitless, staring at the blank screen as if just by sheer force of my will the words will appear, trying to make my frozen fingers press the keys and blacken the page, willing my numb mind to help me cross this barrier but nothing happens. I am still sitting here staring at the blank screen with frozen fingers and a numb mind. Whenever my fingers move towards the keys my mind scuttles back in its shell as fear shows its terrible face. So, here I am still in the same position trying to come to terms with life but taking two steps back with ever hesitant venture forward. The words still don't come even though the thoughts pollute my mind. The fingers tremble over the keys but don't press them. Still I am sitting here, trying to work out my life, myself, and my destiny. Fear has control over my body more than my mind. He rules me and tortures me; mocks me and laughs at me. Whenever i try to stand up he pushes me back into the muck of my complexes and thus, starts the struggle again. The struggle to free myself of that quagmire of slow poison. The vines of uncertainty slowly creeps up my legs and then twist its self around my chest slowly moving towards my neck and squeezing me tightly all the way up. The quicksand of insecurity slowly sucks me into its murky depths and grinds me within its churning horror. I struggle to free myself: pulling at the vines here and kicking up the mud there but the more i struggle the more quickly it subdues my foolish efforts to escape. exhausted i finally give in and let Fear torture me with its powers. Little did I know that my surrender was infact my victory. For as i lay there bound by the little devils of my own making, I decide to be truthful to myself one last time and be myself just for once before my doom engulfs me. And the honesty broke away all my binds and freed me from the confines of my own gilded prison.