Scattered Aurora

I adore my computer.
I simply revere it, worship it, admire it, exalt it, pay homage to it, honor it, idolize it, respect it, even if it is a pain in the neck sometimes but at least, at the very very very least, it has an internet access!!! I'd kiss my computer all over right now if it wasn't so dusty but a pat on the top will do.
With all my love, my dear computer, may you have a long time with me!!

My first day at the internship can be summed up in one word: DISASTER! a complete utterly profound disaster that has its roots in boredom. And believe me when i say this because I'm risking my limbs posting this to you. Yes, I'm sitting on a revolving chair whose one wheel has revolved into the timelessness of space that is complete nothingness. In simpler words I'm sitting on a broken chair which leans drunkenly if I move even slightly, endangering my svelte limbs, on the only computer which offers the incredible luxury of internet in the entire room, probably one of the few in the entire office! Yes, I've already discovered that I've stepped into some time-warped space, where the present and the past have been horrendously mixed and with not a very good result. And before you stop pitying me, let me tell you that I made this shocking piece of discovery after going round half the office asking for a computer which has an access to internet.
You know it's actually pretty ironic when i look around myself. I am sitting on an obsolete system which is even older than my own computer back home and a monitor thats sure to put those owl-rimmed spectacles on my adorable "little" nose. The irony comes in when i look at the other LCD screens and flat-screen monitors in the entire room, gracing every table top and all those hi-fi computer systems with every humanly conceivable software and hardware adorned alongside them. But all those updated and hi-fi systems lack just one small thing: INTERNET. Can you even imagine an advertising office being without internet. Ok Ok let's ot exagerrate, there is one small out-dated computer in a dusty old corner with the honor of having an access to the life of the current generation. So what if its just the ONE in a room filled with seven super computers and two laptops; atleast there is the one (huh!!). And atleast they have a UPS, which is the only saving grace of the place as it ensures that the computers do not turn off.
Much as i hate to do this, but moving on from the inanimate things to the animate ones, all i can say is I've never been so "entertained" on my first day at the office. Till now I've met four of the characters who have really done their bit in putting me off this place. I'll start with the girl first, giving preference to my own kind over the other one. A strait-laced, bossy, she-thinks-she knows-it-all type with a huge complex of being the youngest sibling in her family and having had to follow her elder siblings "authority". She started off early morning with giving me a lecture on how I should have gone back to my previous internship and how i should be sure about which field i want to be in and not just keep on experimenting. She then proceeded to tell me how many different people she's told the same thing to (like i really care).
Then enter the next character in this entire charade: a gay guy. He takes pleasure in relating his last night escapades which constitutes of him going to his cousin's place where she indulges him with facials and other skin "therapies". He swadles into the room wearing a skin-tight shirt and jeans and lights a cigarette. To me he addresses a few remarks, the notable one being "I didn't know KC offered Mass Communication" in such an accusatory tone that I immediately wanted to pacify his Honorary lordship with a few choicy words which would have straightened up his confused gender.
The next guy is a quiet, mousy, nerdy type, all buttoned-up and proper minus the spectacles.I don't have anything much to say about him as he doesnt talk much when I'm around.
The last of the characters is the most pathetic. A typical Lahori sarak-chap, he thinks he is the deputy God around this place. Although an internee himself, so far he has been giving me those cheap looks which makes me want to slap him silly and asked me so many questions (through a glasswall) about KC which makes me think he wants to get enrolled there. *sigh* I must have alot more patience than i already give myself credit for.
Anyways thats about it till now. Oh and did i mention the men's bathroom thats right behind my chair and that its door doesnt close no matter how many times you try to shut it. And I thought it really couldn't get any worse!
Yups, there it opens again! *sigh*

I've added a music player to my blog and a few songs for the time being which i hope u will enjoy till i upload another playlist...

The first song "Mausam hai aashiqana" is from the film Pakeezah, picturised on Meena Kumari and is sung by the great Lata ji. An all-time favourite of my mom, this song reminds me of travelling on the GT road on our way to Abbotabad while mom sung this song to us. It always made me feel as if I was part of the film. I used to watch the fields passing us by and imagine myself singing and dancing among them in true filmi style. :D

The second song "Mera Kuch Samaan" from the film Ijaazat, vocalised by Asha Bhosle with lyrics by Gulzar and Music by R D Burman is a true heart-wrenching song. A favourite of my cousin, it brings back memories of my Alevels when early in the morning, she used to play this song. Every morning started with this song followed by Atif Aslam's crooning. A beautiful song i enjoyed from the depths of my soul especially on a rainy morning, driving along the main boulevard to Sicas.

The third song "Lag Ja Gale" is a rendition by Lata Ji again from the movie Woh Kaun Thi with music by Madan Mohan. Intended to be a parting song, but to me it always appealed as a very romantic number rather than a sad one. I remember trying to picturise the song in my mind during the late nights i stayed up thinking about nothing in particular. A beautiful number which seduces the listener with its hope-filled lyrics.

The fourth song "Naam Gum Jayega" from the movie Kinara sung by Lata Ji and Bhupendra, with Gulzar on the lyrics and R D Burman on the music. I heard this song the first time on television a couple of years back and i remember thinking about losing my own identity. Its a soul searching number which scratches away all the superficial dirt one has on them and exposes us to our very being.

The fifth song "Choti si kahani" is again from the movie Ijazat and sung by Asha Bhosle with music by R D Burman. A very upbeat song which really captures your imagination with pictures of a valley covered in trees and drenched with rain, while you sit under a wooden shed with water dripping all around you and the raindrops entertaining you with their own music. Oh and not to forget a plate of hot pakoras and garma garam chai.

The last song "Ek larki bheegi bhaagi si" is one of Kishore Kumars very famous numbers from the film Chalti Ka Naam Gaadi and is picturised on Madhubala and Kishore Kumar himself, with music by S D Burman. This song is responsible for my craze of a white sari and driving on wet rainy nights. I first heard this song when i got hold of my Dad's collection of cassetes and listening to this song all the time!!

The clock struck the hour and the dreaded load-shedding struck our cool heaven. I dragged myself off to my own room still half-asleep and sprawled on the middle of the bed in front of the window to make the most of whatever little breeze might be gracing the skies today. Still in the realms of dreamland, I went back in time to last summer as the breeze filtered through the window and caressed my over-heated skin.

Once again I was lying on a charpai in my nano'z porch, on a sunny summers day in Abbotabad. It was the middle of the afternoon and both nana and nano were indulging in their daily siesta. Bored of twiddling my thumbs and with nothing to do except for gorging my self on mangoes and peaches, I pasted a note on the door, enveloped myself in a chaddar and took myself off for a walk in the surrounding fields of the banda. Half an hour later, I made my way back thirsting for a cool glass of water. Not so much fun as walking in the early evenings, I discovered. I was sitting on the baramda when I spied the charpai peeking out at me from behind the washing machine. I dragged it out, got myself a pillow and a fat, new paperback I'd been meaning to read for a long time but its size intimidated me. I adjusted my self on the ropey charpai and opened the first page. A summer breeze, warm yet not hot and not cold either, just perfect for the day swept over my body cooling it. A few lines of progress and a bird chirping on the tree in front of me caught my interest. Five minutes later and I tried to drag my attention back to the book, but in the end gave up and tried to enact a movie-star pose. You know the one where they place the book on their chest and go to sleep; mine kept on falling and finally after several uncomfortable tries I put it aside and gave my full attention to nature. There were a couple of young Afghani kids trying to fly kites on a nearby roof and after watching them for several unsuccessful minutes, I started shouting some advice which easily led to some good-natured bantering between us. A few minutes later both of them vanished and I was alone with nature all around me again. I noticed the breeze then, that it wasn't continuous, yet I never felt too hot before it blew its cooling fingers over me again; and I somehow knew that I would always associate that sort of breeze with that day. It was nothing special but yet it was special in its own simplistic way. A common day in Abbotabad but I knew how much, in those long hours in the charpai with the wind breezing over me, I unwinded and got a fresh perspective on my life.

A knocking on a door disturbed my calm dreams of a long gone time and a far-away place. I opened my eyes and opened them a bit wider when I saw I was not out in the open, as I had imagined, but enclosed in a closed room; and wider still when the door opened and mom walked in. Then my common sense caught up with me and reacquainted me with my still being in Lahore and in my own room, even as a breeze blew over me from the window again. Standing by the window later, I realized ke aj Lahore wich Hazare wala mausam ae.

The other night I was talking to a friend and we just happened to stumble upon this hypothetical topic which erupted into a major debate and lasted for around 2 hrs. By the end of it there was no clear winner as we both completely refused to give even an inch to each other and by mutual admission wanted to bang each other's head on the wall. All in all a pretty frustrating debate but I really enjoyed it a lot especially because we were having it at 1 at night... So to give you a taste of it, I've decided to blog it...or as much of it as I can remember...So sit back, relax, take a deep breath, and enjoy..!

It all started with my views on sex and marriage (which I won't go into now) and the big question in my mind that if sex was supposed to be such a holy act of marriage why couldn't have God created an order in which humans would have just had to have intercourse once to have one child and twice for two kids and so on, rather than indulging in it whenever their body's desires require them to?

Actually this was the main question which triggered a chain reaction in my mind creating a hypothetical history with a lot of "what ifs". And my argument was completely based on the "free will" that God has attributed to us humans and is what distinguishes us among all of his creations and which we humans treasure and misuse more than anything.

I think we'll all agree that this "free will" was also exercised by our ancestors, and that some of their choices back then have created, what we know them today as, our pre-determined beliefs. These beliefs are what we have grown up with, what our parents and their parents have grown up with, what no one even imagines the thought of questioning them; so much so that they have become embedded in our DNA and are an intrinsic part of being human. What if our ancestors also faced a choice between "sexual desires" and "sexual needs" and the choice that they made became another of our pre-determined beliefs and overtime evolved its way into human psyche in such a way that now its considered normal?

Before I move further into the depths of my theory, it think to avoid confusion I should explain what I mean from the terms "sexual need" and "sexual desires".

Sexual need represents only the need to reproduce offspring and to ensure a survival of genes. It is more common in animals who mate once a year to ensure production of offspring. Sexual desire, on the other hand, is having sex not only for reproduction but also for enjoyment and pleasure.

Here, I am not talking about celibacy or restraint but about our body's sexual urges which are felt irrespective of our control over it. This choice has slowly but firmly evolved in such a way that it has come to be known as a physical need, apart pf our body. A desire which has to fought consciously if one wishes to.

So what if our ancestors were given the choice to choose between only having sex the number of times corresponding to the number of children one wants and to reproduce children as well as satisfying lusty urges whenever one wants. Its like asking someone to choose between mineral water and plain tap water. Tap water quenches your thirst only but mineral water also provides a few essential minerals along with quenching your thirst. What if our ancestors had to exercise their "free will" over this matter and their choice of sexual desires was what our beliefs are based on.

Today, sexual desire is considered to be man's primal instinct. It is the foremost priority on every human's mind, be it man or women, consciously or unconsciously. Everything we do today in this world is aimed towards gaining sexual satisfaction in the end. Every man and woman, works not only to fill their tummy but to afford the luxuries of life which makes them more attractive to the opposite sex and thus, results in mutual pleasure.

But what if sexual desire wasn't the primal instinct of man? Reproducing for the sake of off-springs was the basic primal instinct and later man discovered the pleasure an decided to choose the pleasure and reproduction rather than just the reproducing. What if this desire was a choice man had to make. God has said that He has put both goodness and evil in us and has left it on us to choose which of these we want to manifest itself on our souls. He has also put needs and desires in us but maybe it has been our ancestors choice to bring those desires to life rather than letting them stay dormant. Just like He gave us the knowledge to tell lies or hurt people but also left it upon us to choose between right and wrong. I'm not saying that there is anything wrong with basic sexual desire, just that maybe it didn't start out this way. Maybe its just another one of those pre-determined beliefs that has its roots in our ancestors choices. Today our beliefs determine our choices but what if back then this choice was what determined our belief!

If this is so, then maybe the Holy institution of marriage is a method devised by God to control this choice of humans. In Islam, the main reason for the institution of marriage is adultery. Basically adultery is an assuagement of sexual desires with different partners anytime. Maybe God clearly saw the pitfalls of this choice-based-belief and introduced marriage and its laws to counteract or control it by limiting it to married partners.

If we think about it, it all fits together in a perfect pattern. God gave man knowledge; man discovers both sexual need and sexual desire and when confronted with a choice, chooses sexual desire; man's choice becomes a belief which through time and generations evolves and becomes an intrinsic part of our genetic makeup; God seeing the ensuing pitfalls, introduces the concept of marriage so that people may control their desires and do not let it run rampage.

The basic question in my mind still is that what if our ancestors did make a decision; a choice which governs our past, present, and future for all time to come! The choice to decide between sexual desire and sexual need has been taken out of our hands and has been already decided upon but what if...?

The night has a thousand eyes,
     And the day but one;
Yet the light of the bright world dies
     With the dying sun.

The mind has a thousand eyes,
     And the heart but one:
Yet the light of a whole life dies
      When love is done.

	-- Francis William Bourdillon