Scattered Aurora

After the resounding success of my last post (ahem ahem) i had thought of taking a little break from blogging atleast till my mids were over. But i guess Fate doesn't agree with my decision and thus I was provided with two blasting incidents in my very boring life. Both of them although would be life-changing for any normal person but failed to do anything for me other than putting me out of action for a couple of days.
The first of these was a bomb blast experience on Tuesday March 4th, in the car park of Naval War College which unfortunately happens to be located in the nearby vicinity of our college. This means that not only were we treated to an awesome display of panic and histronics by the girls of Kinnaird but we also heard the resulting blasts which really shook the building. At the time of the first blast our group was as usual in a computer lab on the first floor. The first blast sounded to me some what like a dull thud as if some heavy thing had fallen from the third floor or something. The first reaction among all of us came from ami, who saying it was a bomb blast, quickly got up and ran outside to see what it was. Mubi followed behind her. Although my first thought was also that it was a bomb blast but lucky for my "tactfulness" i saw the panic stricken faces of mubi and ami and kept my tongue in check. I could hear the ambulances in the background (which although is nothing unusual seeing that there are more than three hospitals in front of our college but today they sounded infinitely more). I could also hear the birds taking in flight in response to the scare of that blasting sound. Mubi and Ami came back in to announce that the dumb girls outside were saying that a door had probably banged shut. Seeing this as my only way to try and calm them down i started saying that probably some table had fallen down from a top story or something of the sort (I can still aee Hina'z and Zd's skeptical faces). I saw a glimpse of momentary relief crossing their faces but then Ami noticed the ambulances wailing and immediately started saying it was definitely a bomb blast. At that exact moment another blast resounded through the building and this time the doors and windows rattled and the tables shook with the force of it. All of us now convinced that it was very definitely a bomb blast, Ami, Zd and Hina took off with mubi and me coming from behind. While passing through the corridors, we both smelled something; mubi smelt smoke and something burning and i smelt coconut. When i said as much to mubi she gave me this look that clearly said this girl is completely gone off her rocker and which made me laugh soo much. I remember mubi holding on to my arm on top of the stairs and telling me to stop laughing and not to get hysterical.
I sobered as soon as i saw Ami's face. After that i don't really remember much except a few highlights. Everyone had gathered in the grounds. Scared faces, distressed and alarmed voices surrounded me on every side. I could smell panic in the air. One thing that i remember clearly at that tine was that not even for a second did my life flash by me or not for a millisecond did i feel anything resembling fear or panic. And that's really very strange, considering me when I panic so easily in the smallest of situations. I have been thinkin a lot about that afternoon but i cannot place my reactions in any reason or logic. We called up Geo and they confirmed that there had been two bomb blasts on the Mall Underpass which happens to be right behind our college. At that very second a third blast sounded. All five of us moved towards the front ground with everyone calling their homes up except me. Actually it was really very funny considering that my mom actually asked me whether i was coming by meyself or should she send the car (I just love my chill family, their attitude was: bomb phatta tou kya hua ;p). The rest is all a blur. The gates being closed by the admin and the resulting harsh words being crossfired between the faculty and the students. I ended up galofying the dean in front of my Majors teacher (as usual). The closed gates pissed off Zd and Hina alot understandably. Zd had her car in college and had to drive home by herself so according to her she should have been allowed to leave. Strangely enough I kept on defending the colleges decision to keep the gates closed and I tried to make Zd understand the point. Hina on the other hand kept shuttling between the both of us. One minute she was with me and telling Zd that it's better for us to remain inside and the next minute she would be agreeing with Zd. I almost persuaded Zd and Hina if it wouldn't have been for one of the faculty members telling the girls that as soon as the Dean cooled down the gates would open. That really really pissed me off. Here i was thinking that the college had closed its gates thinking about our safety but it turned out to be that the gates had actually been closed because the dean was pissed off at the girls who had called up their parents to let them know they were fine and to ask them to pick them up. My reaction to this was coloring the dean up with me explicit vocabulary.
Khair, the gates were opened and soon the college cleared. All five of us gave each other strict instructions to call each other as soon as we all get safely home. I went home by rickshaw which kept on scaring the shit out of both mubi and ami(I still don't undertand why). But thank God we all got home safe and sound and Ami was the only one who didn't msg :@.
Anyways I got home and switched on the tv and viewed the destruction for myself. The havoc and annihilation that these suicide bombers caused in the name of Islam. No religion in this world ever has violence or murders embedded in its faith except for one religion: the religion of power. Power to destroy the lives of so many innocent people. Power to diminish the importance of even one life to so many deaths. For all the supporters of these Talibans and these suicide bombers I have just one thing to ask. What are you fighting for? What are you killing so many people for? What will you do when there is no one left to follow the religion you are so hell bent on imposing. Embracing a religion is not just saying the words that make youa follower or doing the rituals and stuff. It's more about believing and having faith with all your heart. Scaring people and forcing them to convert to any religion doesn't make them follow the religion, it makes them hate it. Killing so many innocent people doesn't make you any different from what those Americans are doing in Iraq and Afghanistan. Every life is special. And why try to hurt people when you can teach them so much with love.

All I want is someone to just take me away from all this and just hold me close and kiss my troubles away. Smooth my brow of the lines of worries and tell me that I am a very very special person and that I’m not worthless; I was made for them. I feel so alone right now. Alone in this entire world with nobody to come to me and tell me they love me. No father to put his hand on my head and tell me everything will be alright; no mother to pull me into her arms and hug my sorrows away, no brother to tease me and no sister to confide with, no lover to be close to and no friend to talk to; no shoulder to cry on. I’m so alone today. I feel so scared, so afraid. It’s a horrible feeling being alone this world and I don't want to feel it any more. Please someone make it go away. Please someone come and take me into your arms. Please someone anyone tell me that you love me. I’m desperate to hear those three little words that mean so much to me. Please take this loneliness away and then don’t ever leave me alone again. Don’t ever walk away. Don’t ever turn away. Be there for me always forever for eternity.

Hmmm... let's see for a change I've not written any new post in the last few days. No no, the blogging madness isnt over it's just that too much drama was unfolding at my house and i just didn't have the time or the peace of mind to write something. But now, now I'm back in college and it's 4.20 pm once again and i'm typing away like hell on the keyboard without any assembled thought or idea in my mind.
Sitting in front of the monitor, seeing it fill up with my thoughts as I type them in, i wait for my friend to get to my college. And as I sit here i start thinking of life (not how pathetic or awesome my life has been, but just life) and i think that we are all so doubtful of our past, at the mercy of our memories for the recollections, yet we still sit down by the heater and think of the good 'ol times. And i think we are so confused about our present, at the mercy of the terror and the baffling "truths'' of reality, but still we wake up each morning, stretch our limbs and contemplate on a beautiful new day (well some of us do :s). And i think we are so unsure about the future, at the mercy of the unknown and unforseeable morrow, yet we badger our better halfs about when are we going to get married (and for singles like me) what will we do tomorrow.
Do we ever sit down and think what if there is no future tomorrow, what if the past is not how we remember it, what if the present is nothing but a passing moment which is in itself a durationless instant. And then does this all inspire us to think whether Time really does exist in these three categories or is this just another human folly. For as Augustine advises us, ''Time is said to be tripartite – one part being past, one present, one future. Of these the past and future do not exist: for if past and future time exists now, each of them will be present. Nor does the present.''
The answer to all these questions is that yes we do think about all three things but only in context to Death do we burden our minds with such philosophies. But even then we just skim the surface, afraid to dive deep into these bottomless depths. The future only stops existing for us when we are no more; the past differs only with the memories of many people after we arn't there to correct them; and the present passes by only with our last breath.

The past ambiguous, the present confused, and the future unsure; yet I live each day!

Yesterday was Dad's birthday and a very very special day for me; good or bad i really can't specify. His 49th birthday (so he says) started with me being awake at 12 at night and even till 3 am but forgetting completely of his birthday (so what's new??). The bad thing was that he was up with me all that time; he was watching tv and i was sitting on the pc. And i still forgot it was his birthday. How bad it must have felt to him. In the morning around 9 am my mom shook me awake and reminded me that it was my dad's birthday and i shamelessly told her that ''yea 'course I remember'' (my only defence is that i was still half asleep). Anyways finally around 1 pm i heaved my ass out of the bed and quickly dressed up and went downstairs. And guess who was the first person i saw...yups my dear daddy. I quickly went up to him hugged him and gave him a kiss on the cheek (more like on his beard) and wished him a very warm happy birthday. When i think of that moment it really brings a smile on my face and a warmth in my tummy and i feel really really happy (dunno y but happy it felt and happy i was).
Later we went down to see off my Phupo to her car and as there were no plans for his big day (considering the fact that the party planner was sleeping till 1 in the afternoon: read me) i started badgering him to take me to CTC so i could get his birthday cake (ironic ain't it). All the way back home, i took hold of his arm and kept tugging at his sleeve while i alternatively beseeched him and regaled him with threats and emotional blackmailing (the ace threat that i had up my sleeve was that i would set loose my younger sister on him =p). All of a sudden, my dad took hold of my tugging hand and took it off his arm. For a minute there I thought that he was just going to drop my hand but surprisingly he held my little hand in his big one and kept hold of it all the way up teasing me. For me that single moment proved to be sweeter than a thousand cakes and even when I kept on bugging you, I felt tears of happiness gather in my eyes.
Dad, you didn't take me to get your birthday cake but i want to tell you that I love you for holding my hand and letting me feel how much you love me. I love you baba and I just wanna say thank you for everything even for not going to get the cake. Happy Birthday Baba and may you have soo many more Inshallah.
My Phupo got a cake for him in the evening from Kitchen Cuisine; so you see I had my cake and I ate it too =p