Scattered Aurora

A path well-travelled
By lovers old and new
Yet unfamiliar,
For both, lovers old and new

An avenue littered with broken hearts
Shadowed dreams
Crushed hopes.
Where the ghosts lurk
Rapacious in their hunger,
In the gloomy shadows
Of the past,
In the present,
Stabbing at the mist of future.
Tainting it forever
With doubt
With suspicion
And an untimely loss

Yet only those with hope, survive
With a faith so strong
And a trust so humble,
For love alone, can never conquer
The demons of our soul.

And in the end,
All it rests upon
Is a wish
Made upon the heavens above
To let it be enough.

Another night to wade through
Another darkness to conquer
Another memory to forget
Another weakness to subdue
A mocking moon above me
A cold barrenness below
A mind in between
Condemned to suffer
A crumpled body shudders
With tears unshed
When wishes come rushing back
To cuddle me close
Of a past that was
And a future that could be
Another night, long forgotten
Beckons me at last
To a time spent in your arms
And another of whispered love
Of soft kisses and heartfelt vows
And i curse myself for yearning
To feel your warmth again
To hear your voice again
To believe your love again
So I snatch back my open arms
And curl into an unforgiving ball
Accepting once more
That this night too will pass alone

A drop of blood was split tonight
and a thousand memories lost with a sigh
of a well-knit past
and a dreamy future
for a today tangled with shadows and light
a virgin's blood they call it
a gift of faith i say
yet they only see
a teardrop of crimson staining the purity of white
an innocence left behind
a virtue shed like a flimsy cloak
so be it
i take back my gift
and call it the sacrifice they so desire
But with the new name
my heart swells with vanity
and my brain with fear
"Doth thou deserve me?"
My fear cried
"wilst thy honor me?"
my vanity cried
Yet from the depths of my soul came a voice
"let my sacrifice be enough to make a difference"

On a night long ago
i rode to the shore on a wave of lost hopes
to be discarded there like a ship-wrecked plank
and on the sands of time
i stood like a lost soul
with no clue of the path to take
with no desire to lend me strength
i flailed weakly between regrets and fear
i moved back towards the sea
stopped
i moved away from the sea
in a quandary
afraid of drowning and suspicious of surviving
one step forward and one step back
and in this cowardly prance
i stumbled on a root of the present
and falling to the ground i closed my eyes
and let the hand of fate decide my destiny
eons later
i opened my eyes and faced the world
the sea had long ago faded
but so had my yearning for the past
and i moved back
further away from the sea
yet facing it still
strong yet never too invulnerable
a survivor yet never the savior
a conqueror yet never a king

I'm like a bird...
Let me fly...
Don't lasso me to your realities...
I'd just not fit...
Let me be free...
Don't chain me by your hopes...
I'm not yours...
I belong to no one...
Only the open skies may be called my haven...
And the whole world my home...
And only death may claim me...
For in life...
My soul yearns for freedom alone...
These gilded bars are not for me...
Those golden cages are not my home...
So set me loose...
From these invisible cells...
And see me ride on the wind...
And do it with a happy heart...
For i will never forget you...
Nor ever not look back...
And one day I will come back...
But let me sit on the branch outside...
Not on the shining perches of those prisons...
And let me help you...
To experience the magic of my freedom...
To share with me the love of my soul...
So set me free today...
For my place is not in shackles.

This post is dedicated to Aima who gave me a hint of being slightly interested in my blog and Bunny who shares my bane of hating misery-causing motorcycles while driving.

Yes, I've finally started driving again!! weeeeeee!! *hopping around on my chair*

After a deep, intense contemplation of a few months (read: an entire year) about me hitting the roads (quite literally), the driving fever finally struck me and my driver's worst nightmare came true! And to my poor drivers horror, i assigned him to the back seat (literally again) and took the wheel (and again). After an uneventfully stable first-half, I smoothly regained my ability to keep my fellow passengers clutching the edges of the seats with a transformation to a scary and heart-in-the-mouth maniacal driving. (Hey, I'm a really good driver, I just plopped in a few "hitch-stunts" for my dear sis's sake! Oh wow! my nose didn't grow =P)

Anywho, not only have i brushed up on my driving skills, i have also touched up on my hatred of motorbikes on the road, swerving across the road as you please. Seriously if I hadn't been attending my anger-management classes, a lot of the roads would have been free of these annoying idiots! I had a pathetic excuse for a bike swaying across my path like an irritating fly buzzing around your face when you're sleeping....pesky i tell you! Did i want to squash that pest or what! Swat him from behind and then squelch the pulpy bugger under my tyres!!
But more than those bikes, i hate those blue scooters. And i had my share of those too today. It's most likely being driven by an uncle who prefers to drive right in the middle of the road in front of your car and has an uncanny ability to anticipate and counter any sudden moves on your part to overtake him. So, you get to drive like a timid little puppy on a leash and trust me its not a happy feeling even if you pretend to be a cute little black lab.

My first post of the new year...weeeeeee!!
i think its about time i wished all those poor readers who do mistakenly stumble on this idle blog from time to time and see no significant change to the number of posts...so everybody a very happy new year and i hope that for you this year brings more constructively time-consuming ventures which limit your visits to my mostly inactive blog :P
ahhh just kidding sometimes my sarcastic humor gets the best of me even!!
Anywho this post is solely dedicated to three people:
1. mubi coz she wants to dissect the new template of my blog...
2. kitten coz he believes that if i start blogging again i might visit his blog more often (its purely altruistic on his part :D)
3. and lastly bunny coz he is the only reason i have to fall down to this level of blogging-blackmail so that he finally completes my new template...
So i got a new template and although its quite different from the one i actually wanted but it serves the purpose for the time being...i actually choose it coz my name originates from this templates name :D
(A more random post i have yet to produce)

Sometimes the hardest path isn't the right one...sometimes the toughest choice isn't the right one...

This is a tribute tag to all the women bloggers out there in the big wide world of blogosphere. The authorship of this poem is controversial; its either written by Maya Angelou or by Pamela Satran. I start this tag so that all us gurlz out there can read it, paste it on our blogs, think back and feel good about ourselves. Guys can also paste it onto ur blog if u really want to, no problemo... so here goes...

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
enough money within her control to move out
and rent a place of her own, even if she never wants to or needs to…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
something perfect to wear if the employer, or date of her dreams wants to see her in an hour…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a youth she’s content to leave behind….

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .
a past juicy enough that she’s looking forward to
retelling it in her old age….

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ….
a set of screwdrivers, a cordless drill, and a black lace bra…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
one friend who always makes her laugh… and one who lets her cry…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE ..
a good piece of furniture not previously owned by anyone else in her family…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE .
eight matching plates, wine glasses with stems, and a recipe for a meal, that will make her guests feel honored…

A WOMAN SHOULD HAVE
a feeling of control over her destiny.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW
how to fall in love without losing herself.

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW
how to quit a job, break up with a lover, and confront a friend without; ruining the friendship…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW
when to try harder… and WHEN TO WALK AWAY…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW
that she can’t change the length of her calves,
the width of her hips, or the nature of her parents..

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW
that her childhood may not have been perfect…but its over…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW
what she would and wouldn’t do for love or more…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW
how to live alone… even if she doesn’t like it…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW
whom she can trust,
whom she can’t,
and why she shouldn’t take it personally…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW
where to go…
be it to her best friend’s kitchen table…
or a charming inn in the woods…
when her soul needs soothing…

EVERY WOMAN SHOULD KNOW
what she can and can’t accomplish in a day…
a month…and a year…

I tag Mubi, A.joe, Lost in Rome, Lunatic, Seher dot com, M.h.a, Sami and duffer...

Even in our moments of greatest achievement, or greatest success, Nemesis lurks, waiting to remind us that we are only human and very vulnerable. Does that sound like I'm killing Hope or just issuing caution?

A smile can hide tears

A mask can hide pain

A blank face can hide an aching numbness

Hey the title actually sounds funny...
Anywho...
Have been tagged and nagged by mubi to do this post and actually have found time out from my busy schedule (ahem ahem) to oblige her. or maybe the topics interesting enough to make me visit my blog again...or maybe its just that i want to put up the pics i have of some of my fav places in Pakistan...
So here goes...

THE RULES:

The McCains own 13 cars, eight homes and have access to a corporate jet. If you were as insanely rich as them, where would your eight homes be and why?

The only rule is: The homes must be within the borders of the country you live in, so as to utterly emulate the McCains.

When you’re done, tag 8 people, so that they may join in the self-indulgence, forgetting about the crappy property market and the equivalent of The End of Pompeii on Wall-Street. You could spend your time hammering your doors and windows shut in preparation for the Apocalypse, but this meme is so much more fun!

1. Fairy Meadows... It has my dream house (just a lil bit shabby) but the location and the surroundings are stuff made of fantasies!!

2. Abbottabad... My second true home... I'd just love to have a house on top of a mountain like the ones they do have on the mountains around Abbottabad city

3. Kalash Valleys...obviously for the intriguing culture and plus they too have houses with rivers beside them opposites mountains...

4. Changla gali and Thandiani...either of the two would do and I'd make them my hidey-holes whenever i want to be lost in the clouds :D

5.Neelum Valley...I wanna own a hut sitting alone in a meadow full of flowers with the mountains making a natural wall...another one of my hidey-holes :D

6.Cholistan...a desert...yummy!! A home with the nomadic tribes that dwell there... it'd fulfill a life-long fantasy of walking under the stars on a clear night with the sand sifting through my feet or the one of getting caught in the midst of a sandstorm... or the one of riding to the rescue of someone caught in a sandstorm (and then beating the hell out of them for getting lost in it in the first place)

7.Hyderabad or Sukkur...their richness of culture lures my insatiably temptatious palate. enough said!

8. Deosai Plains with an occasional excursion to the killer mountain...just imagine walking out of your front door to that...oh and who would mind a trek up Nanga Parbat :)

9. Kohistan valley...My Nanoz massi(maid) comes from there and the stories of that valley I've heard from her make this a must add-on!

P.S. I tag kitten, bunny a.joe and sami :D

Broz scared of bugs.

No matter what size, shape or species, bro is terrified of them. It just has to be a bug and bro starts acting like a hapless, headless hen.

For all you people who don't know, my brother, though younger than me, can and does easily lift me in a choke-slam and pin me against the wall.

But my dear broz Achilles heel is his fear of creepy-crawlies. and its just not any simple normal fear.
Bro dearest will not sit in the room unless or until he has seen the squashed bug for himself and if he doesn't then on goes the headless hen act again...hehe.

And unluckily for him i know about it. And he knows that i know about it but still can't do anything about it either. Simply coz I'm his knight in shining armour and his supreme saviour when it comes to bugz. You see he can't even kill the, in his words, "poor bugz".

One of my better (read gleeful) memories is of Bro jumping on the bed and screaming like a banshee while a poor little muddled roach kept circling the bed trying to escape from the awful noise.
At that fateful moment I can get Bro to agree to anything although its doubtful if he'll do it later or not. But after a lot of experimenting, i've come to the conclusion that its the perfect time to get hold of his cell phone :D

This knowledge, though, has it side-effects as well :(.
See I can crow over him about him being scared of small roaches and teeny bugz and all but then he doesn't think anything of waking me up in the middle of the night to kill a bug so he can sleep, or dragging me downstairs so that I can get him a fork from the little bugz kitchen domain.

Still it has more than its share of fun and who cares about getting up in the middle of the nite if i can get to watch my macho bro reverting back to childhood :D

P.S. I think i should tell him that there was a baby roach strolling on the chicken that he is devouring right now...but then again he didn't really get me a chocolate last nite so... :D
*MUahahahahahahahaha*
Evil n lovin' it

Its the perfect day for ditching home-made food and going for one of the shehri cuisines of lahore...the day is cool, the weathers gorgeous, its raining, winters finally here, the exam went bad and im in desperate need of some sympathy food!! And I haven't had Nihari for like 4 months now (wow!! i feel like a monk!) So a day full of perfect excuses gets me a perfect plate of mouth-wateringly delicious Nihari and roghni naan! Yummmyyy!
And because I am me...I just had to tell everyone that i had just had nihari soo i grab my phone and start mass-messaging:
Me:I just had a yum yum plate of NIHARI :P
And here are the replies ive gotten soo far :D:
Umer: Lol... Nd i am not sleeping and nt eating!!

Zd: Me havin mc..!:-)

Hina: Lolz gud im nt that fond of it though so no jealousy :-) :-P

Anam: Gr8 ji...bt i dnt eat nihari jani!! :-)

Hira: Mausam dekho yar. Im hungry too :( and i watched a walk to remember last nite. And now i know y u cried =)

Yasir: :D....khao piyo...u seriously need to gain some weight :P.....waisay mausam kitna fit hae.

Mubi: Allah keray hazzam na ho :P

Hassaan:I'm having a yum slave of kari. yumy *i think he's soo busy eating he mispelled the word "plate" as "slave"*

I had a bizarre dream during my afternoon nap (at home) today. I dreamt about Harry Potter of all the things and his escape from the evil forces.
First of all this dream will only make a slight sense to my friends. So guys I'm not gonna go into the details (which were quite a few) and just stick to the basic outline of the dream. It went something like this.
Harry Potter's trying to escape from Umbridge who turns out to be Saddy and Hermione and Ron respectively turn out to be Mubi and Ami and instead of rescuing him keep pushing him into troublesome situations (sounds somewhat familiar?!).
And just for the record, even though its my dream i do not figure in it in anyway, not even as Harry.:(
Btw Saddy is a very irritating and annoying majors teacher whom we have had the misfortune to get stuck with and in the dream Harry is actually trying to escape from her cloying voice (the ultimate evil torture).

Its the third day of Eid and I'm at my phupos place for dinner and getting real bored. Just got the opportunity to escape my gaggle of relatives and sneak up to my cousin's room to use his pc. I love his keyboard...the keys are sooo soft and its really a pleasure to type on it. Infact this post is gonna exist simply because I like to type on his keyboard and has no other reason. The rest of the info in this post is just for filling the space and to keep in typing.
Behind me my ever-vigilant cousin is trying to keep watch and monitor my net-surfing and I'm distracting him with talk about his girlfriend and the family saga revolving around his affair. I think he just got a call from her; not sure but he turned a bright red when i asked him about it so its definitely her on the other end. maybe i should just leave him alone or then again this is the ultimate opportunity for me to get some eidi out of him...so...wait...wait...wait...ohk done...deal finalised. After this call I'm gonna be one happy sister :D (make that a happy evil sister).
My sis is wearing my string of pearls and its giving me nightmares honestly the way she keeps winding them around her fingers. If she breaks them shes gonna be @$#%^^&@:!:$".
So anyways, its my cousins birthday today and i actually remembered to wish her at twelve last nite :D:D:D:D ok ok sis reminded me but i did wish her *angelic all's-well-that-ends-well luk*. Anyways the point is that I want to eat a birthday cake but there isn't one here...:(
Uh oh trouble time!! its synonymous for dinner time in my family and i think i know what the topics gonna be today *sigh*
wish me luck
and eid mubarak once again

Have you ever looked into a mirror and seen a stranger in your reflection instead?

Have you ever had the feeling that if you were to suddenly come upon your reflection you wouldn't recognize yourself?

Have you ever been guilty of passing by a mirror and not recognizing yourself in it?

First of all, Eid Mubarik to all my readers and wishing u all a very very very happy and joyful Eid with your loved ones.
Omg! I still can't believe its gonna be eid tomorrow! I'm soo excited!! Admittedly this was not my first reaction when I got the news that tmr was eid at 11 p.m! It was to my flaming, shaming embarrassment, a loud heartfelt thrice repeated "Shit" (make it SHIT)! I didn't want it to be Eid tomorrow! I wanted it to be on thursday. But as i can't do anything about the senile minds of three wise men in our Rout-e-Hilal committee, who apparently have the vision to see the moon when its not there and not see it when it actually is, so i just have to be happy with what I've got and thats Eid tomorrow. Actually the shock's wearing off now and I'm kinda getting the warm, happy, fluttery, buttery feeling in my tummy that I've always associated with Eid! It's building up even as I'm writing this!
Omg! It's Eid tmr!!! I finally get to wear my new clothes and matching bangles and hot stilletos and awesome pazebs and strut around the house dressed like a model, basking in the admiration in the eyes of my admirers (read parents and grandparents). I am soo not gonna be able to sleep a wink tonight!!:D Yay! its EID!!
Btw I'm still not thrugh with my complaining but that's gonna come later on soooo...
When I actually visualized this post in my mind I was gonna right all about the ronaq of Eid and Chandraat in Lahore but coz of the high alert in our family (my dad thinks that I'm on all the terrorist organizations hitlist *rolls eyes*) so we can't go on our regular jaunt with cousins to Liberty and other places on chand raat. :( As it goes I couldn't even enjoy Chand Raat in my own market which is not too far from liberty in the ronaq stakes. And here I am writing a post on Chand raat rather than being out enjoying it and all because of those dumb nitwits who can see the moon on their whim!
Anyhow, I just love chand raat! I love to window shop on Chand raat! I love to look at all those colourful and varied designs of chooriyan and jewellery even though i don't get the urge to buy them but i can just go on looking at them for hours simply! They just enchant me with their clinking musical sounds and their flashing colours and beautiful designs. These pics are the ones i took a few days back when in Liberty shopping.
In case you are wondering, these are my mehndi lagewe hands...and yes I'm typing out this post with the dry mehndi still clinging to my hands! Thanks to our ever alert maulvis I had to rush out to get my mehndi done at 12 at night. Still thats all the fun of chand raat; waking mom from a deep deep sleep, getting scolded for not doing it earlier (though how im supposed to know the the mindless decisions these leaders take beforehand escapes me) and so on and so forth. Anyways I love mehndi when its still clinging to my hands rather than the color it leaves even when its pretty dark! and i can just go on sniffing mehndi forever! it has a heavenly smell!
On a more serious note, while coming back home I just saw a little urchin maybe 8 or 9 years old, sleeping while sitting against a pillar, his arms and legs thrust out awkwardly and ragged clothing covering his thin physique. His head was actually unsupported and lolling around in the air! he made such a pathetic sight, i still can't stop my eyes from watering when i picture him. I felt really sorry for him and helpless too knowing i could do nothing for him and grateful to God for a family and a home where I know I am loved and wanted despite anything! I read somewhere that home is a place where they have to let you in even if they don't like you and right now I feel really really grateful to my family to not only giving me a home but actually wanting me in it as well! I hated to wake him up but I wanted him to have Eidi in a little style as well. We all crib about so many silly things all the time, but we don't really understand how lucky we are. and from time to time God has to show us what we really have and try to make us thankful for all that but we seldom feel the thanks for more than a few days at the most then its back to all the whining and cribbing and complaining. My friends are witnesses to my complaints during the last week or so about my tailor ruining my clothes and my dyer ruining my duppatta and the ensuing inevitable fights i had and all my bitter complaints and feeling sorry for myself and all. So this sign was long due from God to tell me what exactly i was doing. It took me a sight of a pathetic little boy who should be happy about Eidand should take Eidi as his due but instead had tears in his eyes when I gave him some. It made me realize just how selfish i really am and how self-obsessed i have become. I hope that this Eid a little of our Eidi will help give someone a smile...

I love Charlie Chaplin...simply adore him...his acts can give me fits even though they can be very silly...and i love watching him with my mother who earlier, with a very baffled look, asked me, "Yeh banda kya ker raha hai? Yeh paagal tou nahin hai?" Lol! Love you mom!
Just wanted to share this clip with you...Enjoy :)

I always take my rings off in class whenever i am bored and just play with them, making weird shapes or planting them strategically on top of one another just to ease my boredom. Today, though a certain shape took up a certain meaning or maybe my mind just put a different perspective on it. So out of my five rings i made a friends star. These five rings represent me and my four friends in college; Ami, Mubi, Zd, Hina & me. We are all quite different from each other and sometimes i think we r the weirdest group in the college but we still stick together. I'm not good at writing all this cheesy stuff but sometimes we all have to do things that we arnt good at so here goes.
Guys i know we fight like on the smallest of issues and blow it out of proportion and take it to a completely different level. I know that we say the harshest of things to each other and really hurt each other really really bad and I know at those times we even feel like why the hell are we still friends coz its the same thing that happens over and over again each time we fight. But yar i also know that we still make up and we still are together no matter what. We still have more memories of laughter and fun than of fights. We may be complete opposites but we still complement each other. And its only being together that we complete the star of our friendship.
So, all i wanna say to u guys is that lets just be together no matter what.
My messages to my friends:
Mubi:
We fight but we still make up and whatever we say when we r angry u know we don't mean it!
Ami:
Ohk ohk i'm a drama queen! happy now ? :D
Zd:
Ur a lota!
Hina:
Miss u man!



oh and btw guys hanging up is not an option. We dun never ever ever hang up on friends , it just makes matters worse!

P.S. this is my allergy writing not me :D